Nikah: The Quranic Laws of Sex

The Qur’an prescribes how consenting adults can engage in sexual relationships in a healthy, mutually acceptable manner. It never required the approval of bloodline parents or anything of that sort, the truth is actually blindingly unassociated with what today’s Muslims are doing.

To bind their offspring to their restrictive cultural tendencies and enforce parental approval on all life choices, preceding Arab and Muslim generations of men adopted a falsified hadith agenda to give them control over families; powers they weren’t granted in the Quran. One of those powers was the enforcement of legal marriage (زواج) as the only permissible way for sexual partnership, strictly requiring the family’s approval and for it to be instigated and setting the terms for it themselves.

Although the word 'marriage' (زواج) is the only acceptable modern day euphemism for a legal sexual relationship between a man and a women in Muslim societies, legal marriage as we know it is irreligious and has nothing to do with God’s teachings. The Quran uses a rather different term; 'Nikah' (نكاح), which essentially refers to any voluntary sexual relationship between partners of the opposite sex. The usage of the word in the book depicts an image that is severely inconsistent with the practices of Arabs and Muslims when it comes to sex, to the point that a man and a woman engaged in lawful Quranic Nikah will undoubtedly be slandered as adulterers by society.

The meaning of Nikah

Nikah is easily distinguished from our understanding of marriage when we look at Quranic verses that mention the same word to describe illicit sexual relationships, like incest (4.22) and adultery (24.3) - where marriage is inconceivable.

The word 'Nikah' is a general term in classical Arabic that describes a state of connection made between two formerly unconnected objects. It’s verb from ‘Nakah’ (نكح) could be translated to connected, joined, fused, merged, etc. The word ‘bonded’ is used as a translation in these examples for elaboration, using phrases brought from an explanatory Arabic article:

نَكَحَ الْمَطَرُ الأَرْضَ: اِخْتَلَطَ فِي تُرَابِهَا

The rain bonded the earth (mixed with its soil)

تَنَاكَحَتْ الْأَشْجَارُ: انْضَمَّ بَعْضُهَا إلَى بَعْضٍ

The trees bonded (merged with each other)

The word ‘bond’ is quite a flexible word, so for convenience, and for lack of better suited words in English, we will use it as a root verb translation for Na-ka-ha (نكح), and the uncountable noun derived from bonded; bondedness, as a direct translation to the state of Nikah (نكاح) in this article.

The Quran emboldens affection

Due to the flexible representation of sexuality in the Quran, you will often find verses being conspicuously and intentionally misinterpreted by hadithists to fit their extra-Quranic marriage agenda. A good example of that is the buried fact that before sexual intercourse, bondedness simply resembles a boyfriend-girlfriend dilemma. A couple can engage in any kind of non penetrative sex, be as committed or casual as they want, and then breakup (divorce) with no strings attached.

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا نَكَحْتُمُ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ ثُمَّ طَلَّقْتُمُوهُنَّ مِن قَبْلِ أَن تَمَسُّوهُنَّ فَمَا لَكُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ عِدَّةٍ تَعْتَدُّونَهَا ۖ فَمَتِّعُوهُنَّ وَسَرِّحُوهُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا

O you who believe, if you bonded (sexually) with believing women, and then divorced them before you have gotten into them (through sexual intercourse), then for you there is no waiting period over them that you may count, so please them and release them a delightful release.

(33:49)

The Arabic word مس (to get into) is falsely interpreted instead as لمس (to touch) in this verse, which entirely twists the meaning from lawfully permitting intimacy between partners to forbidding any touch between them before sectarian commitment. The correct meaning is reaffirmed in another verse which makes clear that this sort of relationship is lawful even before the commitment dower.

لَّا جُنَاحَ عَلَیۡكُمۡ إِن طَلَّقۡتُمُ ٱلنِّسَاۤءَ مَا لَمۡ تَمَسُّوهُنَّ أَوۡ تَفۡرِضُوا۟ لَهُنَّ فَرِیضَةࣰۚ وَمَتِّعُوهُنَّ عَلَى ٱلۡمُوسِعِ قَدَرُهُۥ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمُقۡتِرِ قَدَرُهُۥ مَتَـٰعَۢا بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۖ حَقًّا عَلَى ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِینَ

There is no blame on you if you divorced women when you have not yet gotten into them (through sexual intercourse), or fulfilled for them an endowment (dower). And please them, a rich (man) according to his means and a poor one according to his means - pleasure with kindness, a right upon the virtuous.

(2:236)

These two verses demonstrate how intimacy between partners before commitment was never discouraged by God, and that the reason for commitment and divorce responsibilities like waiting periods are ordained in the book to protect women from disingenuous men, await possible pregnancies to account for maternal rights, and preserve the sexual health of the involved parties. Most if not all of these issues are indeed non existent before a couple engage in sexual intercourse.

When a man and a woman engage together sexually, they are, by default, engaged in Quranic bondedness. If the couple are sexually permissible to one another, their bondedness is thus lawful, and becomes bound by a set of Quranic laws. These laws adapt to the degree of the couple’s engagement, on merits like if a dower has been fulfilled, if the couple have had intercourse, and if they have been living together. However, it is important to note that bondedness laws are not mandatory for all sexual relationships, right hand possession is not bound by these laws, but will still be briefly covered in this article.

Sexual Permissibility

The first and main requirement for a licit sexual relationship is sexual permissibility, which means that the relationship shouldn't be forbidden by Quranic terms due to the prospect’s faith or possible kinship.

Prospect’s faith: Believing women and believing men can only seek believing partners. False traditions allowed only men to seek non-Muslim partners, but the terms are equal for both sexes in God’s verse, therefore women can seek believing Jewish and Christian partners as much as men can. Regardless of either, the man’s faith or the woman’s, they just need to believe:

وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ

And do not have sex with polytheistic women, unless they come to believe. And indeed, a believing (female) servant is better than a polytheist, even if you liked her. And do not allow sex with polytheistic men, unless they come to believe. And indeed, a believing (male) servant is better than a polytheist, even if you liked him. Those call to Hellfire, and God calls to Paradise and to forgiveness by His will. And He clarifies His verses to the people, so that they may remember.

(2.221)

Possible kinship: Kinship verses restrict men from having a sexual relationship with their kin, including women whom their fathers had sex with, daughters of women they had sex with, or women involved with their sons:

وَلَا تَنكِحُوا مَا نَكَحَ آبَاؤُكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَ ۚ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَمَقْتًا وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا ۝ حُرِّمَتْ عَلَيْكُمْ أُمَّهَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُكُمْ وَأَخَوَاتُكُمْ وَعَمَّاتُكُمْ وَخَالَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُ الْأَخِ وَبَنَاتُ الْأُخْتِ وَأُمَّهَاتُكُمُ اللَّاتِي أَرْضَعْنَكُمْ وَأَخَوَاتُكُم مِّنَ الرَّضَاعَةِ وَأُمَّهَاتُ نِسَائِكُمْ وَرَبَائِبُكُمُ اللَّاتِي فِي حُجُورِكُم مِّن نِّسَائِكُمُ اللَّاتِي دَخَلْتُم بِهِنَّ فَإِن لَّمْ تَكُونُوا دَخَلْتُم بِهِنَّ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَحَلَائِلُ أَبْنَائِكُمُ الَّذِينَ مِنْ أَصْلَابِكُمْ وَأَن تَجْمَعُوا بَيْنَ الْأُخْتَيْنِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا

And do not bond (sexually) with those whom your fathers had (sexually) bonded with from the women, except what has passed. It is indeed an indecency, an obscenity, and a dreadful path. Prohibited for you are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your paternal aunts, your maternal aunts, daughters of brother, daughters of sister, your mothers who suckled you, your sisters through suckling, mothers of your partners and your step-daughters under your care who are born of your women with whom you have had sex, but if you have not had sex with them, there is no sin on you, and females (who are) lawful to your sons from your loins, and that you combine between two sisters, except what has passed. Surely, God is all forgiving and merciful.

(4:22-23)

Sexual Vitality

Before relaying the requirements for correct bondedness (or Nikah) as described in God’s verses, it is important to understand the Quranic term used for the woman’s civil status. The Quran refers to women who follow the rules of the book (waiting periods) in their sexual encounters as Vitalized. A vitalized woman can either be single, committed to a man or currently fulfilling a waiting period. A woman who has sex regardless of Quranic bondedness laws is not vitalized, this can be due to her having sex as a right hand possession, or simply because she doesn’t fulfill her waiting periods between sexual partners. Vitality is a civil status, and can be retained once a woman decides to only have sex within the laws of bondedness.

(see more)

Right Hand Possession

The term “right hand” in classical Arabic linguistics meant oath, pledge, or something to be sworn by. For instance, Arabs use the phrase يمين الله or “by God’s right hand” to swear. A believer’s right hand possession is what God has entrusted them with, a responsibility of taking care of an underprivileged person. Any believer in Islam can voluntarily give themselves to whomever they choose from other believers to be their provider, if they agree to take them in, they become their right hand possession. Believers of both sexes can possess believers of same or opposite sex, it has nothing to do with gender. It is essentially adoption, albeit a very versatile one, as a person is always free to leave and choose a different family. A male provider and his female right hand possession aren’t necessarily in a sexual relationship, but it is lawful for them to have sex.

(see more)

The Book

The laws of the book relay the principles surrounding waiting periods that need to be fulfilled before or after bondedness. These laws preserve the vitality of involved women and make sure their rights are not compromised in the case of a relationship that ends abruptly.

Men who intend to leave their women and drop out of bondedness are required to fulfill a grace period of four months before they divorce their women.

لِّلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِن نِّسَائِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ ۖ فَإِن فَاءُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ ۝ وَإِنْ عَزَمُوا الطَّلَاقَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ

For those who (intend to) abstain from their women is a waiting (period) of four months, but if they revert, God is forgiving, merciful. And if they decide on divorce, God is hearing, knowing.

(2:226-227)

If a man fulfills the four months without nearing his woman, he is then allowed to divorce her. A divorced woman then has to wait to fulfill her own waiting period of three menstrual periods.

وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ

And divorced women are to observe themselves for three menstrual periods.

(2:228)

This is a normal divorce process by which a Quranic bondedness should end. However, since a couple may not necessarily be living together before they decide to separate, and because men can simply leave or refuse to go through with correct divorce, a separate waiting period of four months and ten days is prescribed for women who got out of a relationship and want to preserve their vitality.

وَٱلَّذِینَ یُتَوَفَّوۡنَ مِنكُمۡ وَیَذَرُونَ أَزۡوَ ٰ⁠جࣰا یَتَرَبَّصۡنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ أَرۡبَعَةَ أَشۡهُرࣲ وَعَشۡرࣰاۖ فَإِذَا بَلَغۡنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَیۡكُمۡ فِیمَا فَعَلۡنَ فِیۤ أَنفُسِهِنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۗ وَٱللَّهُ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ خَبِیرࣱ

And those of you who go away and leave behind wives, they (the wives) observe themselves for four months and ten days, if they reach their term, there is no sin on you in what they do with themselves, with courteousness. And God is aware of what you do.

(2:234)

These are the verses that state the laws of the book or waiting periods, which when observed preserves the vitalized status of the woman and keeps her away from risky sexual practices. Science has concluded that consecutive intercourse with different partners in a short period of time exposes a person to STDs, and the design of the female genitals makes them more likely to get infected. God wants to lead His believers away from harm, and He makes that apparent with the sciences He leads us to discover.

Men are also told to refrain from being involved with women who are observing the book, until their term is reached.

وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَیۡكُمۡ فِیمَا عَرَّضۡتُم بِهِۦ مِنۡ خِطۡبَةِ ٱلنِّسَاۤءِ أَوۡ أَكۡنَنتُمۡ فِیۤ أَنفُسِكُمۡۚ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمۡ سَتَذۡكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّاۤ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ قَوۡلࣰا مَّعۡرُوفࣰاۚ وَلَا تَعۡزِمُوا۟ عُقۡدَةَ ٱلنِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ یَبۡلُغَ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبُ أَجَلَهُۥۚ وَٱعۡلَمُوۤا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ یَعۡلَمُ مَا فِیۤ أَنفُسِكُمۡ فَٱحۡذَرُوهُۚ وَٱعۡلَمُوۤا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِیمࣱ

And there is no sin on you for what you exaggerated about with your speech to women, or concealed in your hearts. God knew that you would think of them, but do not make a promise to them in secret, except that you speak courteous truth. And do not tie the bondedness knot until the book reaches its term, and know that God knows what is in your hearts. So, beware Him, and be assured that God is forgiving, forbearing.

(2.235)

So, the verse essentially tells men to not solidify a sexual relationship with a woman before her book term is reached. God wants men to preserve the vitality of the women they seek by getting in a correct Quranic bondedness with them.

The Laws of Bondedness

وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ إِلَّا مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۖ كِتَابَ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ ۚ وَأُحِلَّ لَكُم مَّا وَرَاءَ ذَٰلِكُمْ أَن تَبْتَغُوا بِأَمْوَالِكُم مُّحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ ۚ فَمَا اسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهِ مِنْهُنَّ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا تَرَاضَيْتُم بِهِ مِن بَعْدِ الْفَرِيضَةِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا

And (also prohibited are) the vitalized among the women - except whom your right hands possess - God's book upon you. And what is beyond that has been made lawful for you to seek through your wealth, vitalizing them, not spilling them. So, for what you have enjoyed of them, give them their dues, an endowment. And there is no sin on you in what you mutually agree upon after (fulfilling) the endowment. Surely, God is all knowing and wise.

(4.24)

The phrase ‘God’s book upon’ you in this verse refers to vitalized women upholding the commitment book upon another man, which means they’re either currently committed or observing a waiting period. The verse again makes it clear that men should not approach vitalized women who are currently committed to a book, with an exception for right hand possessions, since a sexual relationship with them doesn’t follow the rules of bondedness, and if a woman agreed to it then it means that she is cleared of her bondedness commitments and doesn’t intend remain vitalized. This also proves that right hand possession can only be instigated upon clear demand from the person in need.

The verse also signified the two tenets of bondedness; the endowment, and mutual agreement. Although sex can occur before the endowment as previosly mentioned, it is still an important tenant of a fully binding bondedness.

The Endowment

The endowment in bondedness, also called dues or dower, is a valuable gesture or gift that has to be offered to the woman by the man. It is a legal signature of commitment that can be fulfilled anytime during their relationship, and it is almost always practiced in some way or form in all societies. In Western societies, it is the man who gives the (often diamond) ring to the woman on proposal, and in Middle Eastern societies a binding (shabka) is given to the woman after engagement in the form of jewelry. The Quran is a tangible statement of our nature from the Creator, thus we find ourselves abiding to it with our freedom.

The endowment concerns none but the woman who will receive it, and so she has the power to waive it if she wanted.

وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً ۚ فَإِن طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَن شَيْءٍ مِّنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئًا مَّرِيئًا

Give women their dowries in good cheer, and if they surrender something to you, on their own will, you may take it with pleasure and delight.

(4.4)

The endowment doesn’t mark the beginning of bondedness but rather an upgrade to it. However, it is a one time gesture that the woman has the full right to receive even if the relationship won't last. If both parties intend to have a short term relationship, if it involves sexual intercourse, the woman should still be offered her endowment and it is only up to her if she decides to overlook it.

Divorce

Divorce is the process by which bondedness comes to an end, and it’s laws adapt to the degree of the couple’s involvement. The easiest form of divorce, which is essentially a break up, is when the couple haven’t yet had full sexual intercourse and no endowment was fulfilled.

لَّا جُنَاحَ عَلَیۡكُمۡ إِن طَلَّقۡتُمُ ٱلنِّسَاۤءَ مَا لَمۡ تَمَسُّوهُنَّ أَوۡ تَفۡرِضُوا۟ لَهُنَّ فَرِیضَةࣰۚ وَمَتِّعُوهُنَّ عَلَى ٱلۡمُوسِعِ قَدَرُهُۥ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمُقۡتِرِ قَدَرُهُۥ مَتَـٰعَۢا بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۖ حَقًّا عَلَى ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِینَ

There is no blame on you if you divorced women when you have not yet gotten into them (through sexual intercourse), or fulfilled for them an endowment (dower). And please them, a rich (man) according to his means and a poor one according to his means - pleasure with kindness, a right upon the virtuous.

(2:236)

This break up has no financial responsibilities and no waiting periods. The obvious reason is that since the couple had no intercourse yet, there is no sexual health risk for the woman to pursue a new relationship, that besides not having any undiscovered possible pregnancies to worry about. The next verse after this one says what should be done in case the endowment was fulfilled before having sexual intercourse.

وَإِن طَلَّقْتُمُوهُنَّ مِن قَبْلِ أَن تَمَسُّوهُنَّ وَقَدْ فَرَضْتُمْ لَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً فَنِصْفُ مَا فَرَضْتُمْ إِلَّا أَن يَعْفُونَ أَوْ يَعْفُوَ الَّذِي بِيَدِهِ عُقْدَةُ النِّكَاحِ ۚ وَأَن تَعْفُوا أَقْرَبُ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ ۚ وَلَا تَنسَوُا الْفَضْلَ بَيْنَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ

And if you divorce them before you have gotten into them (through intercourse) and you have already fixed for them an endowment, then (to you is) half of what you endowed - unless they (the women) forego (the full amount) or the one in whose hand is the bondedness knot (the man) foregoes (the full amount). And to forego it is nearer to righteousness. And do not forget graciousness between you. Indeed, God is watchful of what you do.

(2:237)

As previously discussed, waiting periods are prescribed for resolving bondedness if the couple did have sexual intercourse. Men are told to wait for four months before divorcing their women (2:226) and if they do divorce them, they remain liable for post divorce responsibilities. After the divorce, men are obligated to keep their ex-wives at their homes until their term of three menstrual periods (2:228) is reached.

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَطَلِّقُوهُنَّ لِعِدَّتِهِنَّ وَأَحْصُوا الْعِدَّةَ ۖ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ رَبَّكُمْ ۖ لَا تُخْرِجُوهُنَّ مِن بُيُوتِهِنَّ وَلَا يَخْرُجْنَ إِلَّا أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ ۚ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ ۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَقَدْ ظَلَمَ نَفْسَهُ ۚ لَا تَدْرِي لَعَلَّ اللَّهَ يُحْدِثُ بَعْدَ ذَٰلِكَ أَمْرًا

O Prophet, if you divorce women, divorce them for (the commencement of) their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear God, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their houses nor should they leave unless they are committing a conspicuous indecency. And those are the limits set by God. And whoever transgresses the limits of God has certainly wronged himself. You don't know; perhaps God will bring about after that a (different) matter.

(65:1)

After the waiting periods are fulfilled the couple can then decide to finally separate, or stay together if they weren’t divorced two times before. Since this was a fully binding bondedness, chances are that the woman received an endowment at the very least among other gifts or handouts. Whatever the man has given to the woman, he is explicitly forbidden from taking any if it back.

ٱلطَّلَٰقُ مَرَّتَانِۖ فَإِمۡسَاكُۢ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ تَسۡرِيحُۢ بِإِحۡسَٰنٖۗ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمۡ أَن تَأۡخُذُواْ مِمَّآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ شَيۡـًٔا إِلَّآ أَن يَخَافَآ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِۖ فَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡهِمَا فِيمَا ٱفۡتَدَتۡ بِهِۦۗ تِلۡكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا تَعۡتَدُوهَاۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّٰلِمُونَ

Divorce is twice; then either retain (the woman) with courtesy, or release (her) with kindness. And it is not lawful for you to take back anything from what you have given them, unless both (partners) apprehend that they would not be maintaining the limits set by God. Now, if you apprehend that they would not maintain the limits set by God, then there is no sin on them in whatever she gives up. These are the limits set by God, so do not exceed them. And whoever exceeds the limits set by God, then, those are the transgressors.

(2:229)

Divorced women whose male partners left without fulfilling their four months waiting period (2:226) have to fulfill a waiting period of four months and ten days (2:234) to remain vitalized instead of three menstrual periods, and in that case they have the right to demand full financial security from their ex-husbands for a full year.

وَالَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَاجًا وَصِيَّةً لِّأَزْوَاجِهِم مَّتَاعًا إِلَى الْحَوْلِ غَيْرَ إِخْرَاجٍ ۚ فَإِنْ خَرَجْنَ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِي مَا فَعَلْنَ فِي أَنفُسِهِنَّ مِن مَّعْرُوفٍ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

And those of you who go away and leave wives behind - for their wives is a bequest: maintenance for one year without turning (them) out. But if they leave (of their own accord), then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable way. And God is Mighty, Wise.

(2:240)

Quranic divorce laws hold men strictly accountable for alimony in the case of ending the relationship abruptly, mainly because they are allowed to have more than one wife (4:3), and therefore have no reason to leave a wife behind without proper divorce procedure except to financially unburden themselves.

Bondedness vs Marriage

Quranic bondedness (Nikah) essentially makes it clear that a man and a woman, if permissible to one another, are automatically in a sexually licit relationship if they decide to have sex, which is why there is no premarital sexual sin in the Quran. The ensuing laws are prescribed in the Quran to tell believers how to maintain healthy sexual relationships between opposite sex couples. It prevents untruthful men from taking advantage of women by prescribing laws that legally binds them to the women they have intercourse with, and protects the rights of women and makes sure they get to keep all that they have. The laws of God are bounded by the mutual agreements and the actions of the couple, it necessitates no presets for a sexual relationship, the laws only apply and adapt to what the couple do in their relationship.

Capricious preliminary arrangements like family approval, financial agreements between families, extravagant weddings, compulsory apartment or house ownership, requiring an ordained religious figure, certain verbal recitals, witnesses and government authorization or documents are all ridiculously baseless rituals that have nothing to do with God and his teachings. Marriage is a made up social construct that has been used in Islamic communities to reign in sons and daughters to control their lives, shame them for sex, and coerce them into partnerships that the parents have to approve of. While there is nothing against marriage as a celebration of love and long term commitment, associating it with religion to abuse people who only want to express their God given nature is detestable.

God never wanted us to shame sexuality, He created us with love and wants us to express it. The only reason we could fall in love with someone so deeply is because God wants us to be with them, it wasn’t Him who made it so burdensome, it’s our family’s expectations, religious fabrications, and the social circumstances that we’ve surrendered to. Love is a provision of God that past generations turned into a crime, generations that killed the life out of their offspring.

قَدْ خَسِرَ الَّذِينَ قَتَلُوا أَوْلَادَهُمْ سَفَهًا بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَحَرَّمُوا مَا رَزَقَهُمُ اللَّهُ افْتِرَاءً عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ قَدْ ضَلُّوا وَمَا كَانُوا مُهْتَدِينَ

They have lost; those who have killed their children from foolishness, without knowledge, and prohibited what God has provision for them by forging lies about God. They have strayed, and they were never guided.

(6:140)